Care Carefully, Empath

This blog post is for the empaths. It’s for those who care. Let’s talk boundaries and practices that help protect you from the consequences of caring recklessly.

First, what’s an empath?

Someone who’s very attuned to the emotions, thoughts, and feelings of others is an empath. They feel things very deeply, more than others typically do. It’s partly a personality trait (shoutout to all my INFJ‘s here– if you know, you know) and partly a spiritual characteristic developed through practice over time.

When I was a child, my parents called me ‘tender hearted.’ I cried a lot and expressed emotions more vividly than my siblings. Often, the moods and behaviors of others disproportionally affected me. I felt, a lot.

Now as an adult, people often call me ‘caring.’ It’s my partner’s favorite descriptor for me. Still, I cry a lot. Other people’s emotions easily moves me. Friends find it easy to talk to and confide in me. I reach out a hand usually before others do so. I intervene, I ask questions, I stay connected. And I feel the weight of other’s problems and pain.

Being an empath is a beautiful thing (you can learn more about empaths here), but it’s not without challenges.

Challenges of Being an Empath

I used to have to consciously and regularly remind myself to lower my shoulders. They were always tensed, and a smidge raised up. There was a lot of weight on them. And much of it wasn’t mine.

A call from someone I loved could turn my entire day around before I knew how to practice self care and protect myself with boundaries (don’t worry, we’ll get to that part). If I heard sadness in my mother’s voice, knew my sister was stressed out, learned my partner was having a bad day at work– it could all do me in. And when I say do me in, I mean stress me out to the point of being triggered into a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn state of being.

Hell, I could walk into a building that carries a lot of unusual or painful history and have such a visceral emotional response that it’s like a tidal wave hits me out of nowhere. It’s happened before. Sometimes it would result in a panic attack. Sometimes a blanket of grief would suffocate me. Other times I would find myself experience unexplainable ecstasy.

Whatever the impact, it’s disruptive. For many years, being an empath would lock me into the fear of my feelings. But the thing is– the energy isn’t mine. And over time, I’ve had to learn how to protect myself from it.

Boundaries Keep You In

Most of us think of boundaries as things that keep others/situations/things away from us. And sure, that’s partly correct. But I’ve learned a new concept of boundaries that’s been incredibly useful as I consider the consequences of being an empath.

Boundaries keep you in more than they keep others out. Let’s break this down. Remember how I said a phone call from my mom used to be able to do me in, alter my entire day, drown me in sadness?

So not having a boundary around communication and interactions with my mom meant that I often found myself leaving myself as a result of talking to her. By leaving myself, I mean letting my own emotional energy move up and out of my grounded center– of my home-place within myself.

When I experience dis-regulation in my nervous system (aka fight, flight, freeze, or fawn), that means I’ve left myself. It means my own energetic make up– my essence– is scattered and displaced.

I’m not functional if I’m not centered and grounded and at home within myself. That means I’m not able to listen to my inner truth, know my own worth, and behave from a place of self authority. I’m certainly not able to engage in any self healing.

So boundaries aren’t necessarily meant to keep others away from me. Rather, they are meant to keep me from leaving myself as a result of the actions, feelings, emotions, etc. of others. That distinction is an important one.

Practice Boundaries to Protect Yourself as an Empath

Understanding and implementing boundaries, especially in this way, takes practice. A lot of it. There’s a meditation I’ve learned in Her Mystery School that is a simple homecoming meditation. It’s really the foundation of everything else I’ve learned in this program attuned to feminine sensibilities and the ways of priestesses.

I invite you to try it:

Close your eyes and take a couple deep breaths, breathing in through your nose and out your mouth. Soften your body and drop back and down into yourself. Now imagine all of your energy throughout your life– in your work, your relationships, your hobbies and activities, your home life. See your energy all throughout your realm.

Imagine that energy taking the form of threads that are tethered to you but extended outward into all the different spheres of your life. Now with every inhale you take, pull that energy back into yourself. Don’t worry, you will be able to return to all those people and places. Keep bringing the energy home to you. Fill yourself up with you, your essential and vital energy. Do this for about ten breaths before gently resting for few moments before coming back to the present moment and opening your eyes.

And how does that feel? It’s that simple. I do this all the time, every day, several times a day. I come home to myself over and over and over again and that’s the only way I’m able to protect myself from the challenges of being an empath.

Used to, I would hide. I wouldn’t want to “people” so I’d stay in my house. I was a hermit, in a truly unhealthy way. But this practice has helped tremendously. I can still let myself feel, but I have more sovereignty over what and how I feel things. Ultimately, I have more freedom.

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Gains

Small changes
create a new self,

an identity of
repeatedly being.

Stack the habits,
name the tension,

incentivize, motivate,
it's all in your control

to decide who
you want to be

the determine what
you need to do

in the small, tiny,
fractional ways

that ignite
atomic gains.

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